And it's gone.

El día de hoy tuve algunas revelaciones al respecto de mi vida, primero que debo revisar mas seguido la ortografía en mis textos, que quiero mucho a mucha gente y que eso me gusta mucho, y lo siguiente:

A veces es bueno dejar ir las cosas y seguir el flujo de las cosas, el día de hoy me di cuenta que debo dejar ir las fantasías, y alegrarme de lo que tengo, de lo bueno y lo malo, ya que a veces eso malo podría ser peor.
Tengo problemas en las rodillas, tengo salud, no tengo el dinero que quisiera, tengo dinero para sustentar mis vicios y necesidades, he perdido a mucha gente especial, tengo un roomie nuevo, no tengo novia, tengo amigos y amigas.
No tengo todo lo que quiero, pero tengo todo lo que necesito.

Y si, este parece el blog de un adolescente confundido, pero igual expresa lo que pienso y siento, y eso solo me importa a mi y a nadie mas.

Get on with it!

Lets us be free. V 2.0

This is a second version of a World of Darkness FIction I wrote for somebody really special 6 years ago, I found out, by google-ing myself, that my LJ account wasn’t closed, so while I was checking, i found it, and i decided to make some corrections and adding an ending to this short fic.

So here it is , enjoy:

Let us be free.

A dark silhouette standing, thinking, looking at Damian

Damian sitting on the floor watching his own hands: It was me, just me in the darkness…

I was lost, insecure, and then, then just silent. He came to me, not like he left me before, but then, he talked to me…

Dharamian arrogantly walking right through the darkness: You look lonely, even now when I’m near you … And the worst thing here is that you feel Exactly as pathetic as you look, don’t you?

Damian lifting his face to look into Dharamian’s eyes, those deep, pale eyes: Indeed, sometimes I ask myself “where did you came from and what do you want?" And you know what, I’ve gotten no answers in all these years.

Dharamian hugs Damian, like a father hugging his little son, with that tenderness and that love. He whispers in his ear: You know why you need me, I’m your strength, I’m your hatred… I’m you… the best of you!

Damian hugs Dharamian back: Yes, I know that, but I can’t even feel safe by your side anymore, I feel like you have ulterior motives, like you are compromised with someone else, with your own purpose, not with mine… I mean, ours…

Dharamian stops hugging Damian and holds his face tenderly with both hands, talking to him, their lips separated only by a few millimeters. And then, gently, with a sarcastic tone, he says: Of course I’m following your interests my dearest, but also mine, I refuse to be like yourself, those hidden secrets, wishes and desires. Then his lips slowly touches Damian’s face, his cheek, his ear: That is, after all, why I’m still here, I’m doing this for you, only for your own benefit. I can’t go because you can’t deny yourself, you can’t deny me.

Damian takes Dharamian’s hands off him. Yelling: YOU HURT PEOPLE, PEOPLE I LOVED, PEOPLE I CARED ABOUT. YOU ARE NOT HELPING ME, YOU ARE MAKING MY LIFE WORSE!!

Dharamian slaps Damian on his right cheek so he can crouch on top of him. Holding both of his hands against the floor as a fearsome predator giving a dead sentence to his prey, he slowly rubs his nose against Damian’s face while he talks: You can’t get rid of me, as you did with your childer, you can leave me on my one, to let another good doer like you take care of me. I’m your courage, and you know it. Come on, let you, sorry, let me be free, to do what you can’t with this pathetic waste of time you’ve called unlife. You got to understand my dearest, that you can’t run away from me, you have to embrace me, you have to feel the anger let this feeling flow through you so you, so I, so we can be complete, you need to let go, and let me be incharge.

Damian can only turn his head away from those eyes, those pale, hollow eyes, those eyes he sees when he’s not around, mesmerizing, the eyes of a beast he had been trying to avoid his whole life. not because they can do any damage to him, but because he knows what kind of damage they can inflict in people he loves, those same eyes where the reason he decided to leave his childer in better hands at London.

It’s then when he sees all the infamies those eyes had saw, had inflicted on innocent people. he could only tart crying: You bastard, why did you do all that to all those innocent people. Dharamian let go Damian’s hands and gets straight without getting off of him, with his left hand carefully takes of the hair to unveil his eyes, while with the right one does the same with Damian’s hair: I was just taking care of you my dearest, I would never let anything harm you, my most beautiful and precious thing in the whole wide world. But, if you keep being so stubborn, I’ll have to take some measures.

While he leans his head towards Damian’s, he gently traverse his lips through the wet path of tears, from his eyes to his ear, licking every drop, all the way through that painful path that was drawn almost all over his cheek, just to mutter him: Think of it, we are together in this, and I’ll never let you go.

The darkness covers the two silhouettes as the night falls in New York, and while the blood helps his body awake, as every other night, he can only observe his surroundings. A trashed and really decayed apartment with some furniture and the usual belonging, he looks for other people inside the apartment with him, but he is alone, and he can only think:  You need me more than I thought. My dearest fool.

This is based on my first Vampire: The Masquerade Character, a Deranged Malkavian (Yes, I know, it is really shocking to know I would write about deranged people) with D.I.D. (Dissociative Identity Disorder), more commonly known as multiple personalities.

I hope you liked it.

P.D. The moral of the story is:

Never google yourself at 3 in the morning, not when you are trying to write a short tale for a web magazine.

Cerrando ciclos, cerrando heridas.

"Nostalgia de tiempos donde todo era bueno, solo me vinieron dos a la cabeza, pero eran muy buenos; los amigos eran amigos y las personas que te aman se quedan. 


Pero el tiempo pasa, "nada es estático todo se esta cayendo a pedazos", las personas se van, cambian, mueren y regresan como nuevas personas, para bien o para mal es lo que menos importa, el punto es que el mundo no se para, siempre se mueve, y su maquinaria es la de un reloj, es perfecta. 


Por que juzgar la causalidad, la simpleza de la sincronizidad de la vida, si las cosas pasan son por algo, si la gente vuelve, no esperes a la misma persona que se fue, es una nueva, recuerda que tu eres una persona nueva, lo único que no puedes cambiar es quien eres, cambias, pero, estas estático a la vez. Llámalo absurdo o contradictorio, pero la vida no es mas que absurdos y contradicciones, la vida sigue, seguira y seguiré con ella, el abismo nunca es para siempre, siempre hay un fondo y siempre se sale de el. 


No necesito a nadie, lo siento amigos, pero solo me necesito a mi, a mis otros yo, esos que también son yo. La ayuda que me brindan en verdad que sirve, me da fuerzas, pero al final solo estoy yo.


Comprendo cosas nuevas, comprendo mis errores, comprendo que no soy un monstruo, que soy un humano y que puedo hacer cosas buenas o malas, que puedo hacer lo que sea, que soy asombroso y que soy deplorable, que la gente no esta conmigo por lastima o por miedo, que están conmigo porque saben lo que valgo y de lo que soy capaz y que puedo con todo y a la vez con nada.


¿Qué espero?, espero reconciliaciones, las que si valen la pena, las que se hacen con uno mismo, a las que uno llega por su propia cuenta.


Quiero que regreses, pero querer regresar te es querer a una persona que ya no existe, es querer revivir un muerto, tu ya cambiaste te convertiste en algo nuevo, y no se si ame la persona en la que te estas convirtiendo. 


Me duele que te hayas ido me duele que esa persona que ame haya muerto, pero lo superare, lo estoy superando, no es fácil, fue una vida, una que nos hicimos juntos, una que ya no existe, pero solo una. 


Una que murió con los dos, no la matamos ni tu ni yo, murió en el momento en que no entendimos que estábamos tratando de hacer vivir a un cadáver que prefería mantenerse muerto.


Adiós a todos los que me amaron, hola a todos los que se quedan."

Estas reflexiones ya me espantaron el sueño, pero, como ya mencione la vida sigue y debo dormir para poder "seguir" la vida.

Necesito una maquina del tiempo

Eso de tener a todos mis contactos, amigos, familia, conocidos, trabajos y novia regados por rtodo el df e esta volviendo un tanto desesperante.
Siempre que quiero ver a alguien tengo que viajar de minimo una hora en metro, y otros de 20 a 30 min en caminar o en un pecero, son mamadas, en fin, eso y que ayer me heche una caminadota de la casa de mi abue a el periferico por falta de camiones a las 9 de la noche, ahora resulta que los microbuseros se duermen temprano.
Pasando a otros temas, no tomen leche cuando su tia se los sugiera, terminaran tomando leche hechada a perdr, eso o el Cell uso sus poderes demoniacos y me la hecho a perder desde las lejanias, bueno es todo por hoy o mas bien ayer, ya que llegue me conecte y como nadie decia nada preferi dormirme temprano.
Saludos y nos leemos en la noche.